14

{ talking to myself about complicated stuff }

the world is everywhere. in front, behind, under my shoe, on my person.

every hair on my body is its own and not mine.

becoming aware of all this existence is overwhelming; it makes a girl claustrophobic.

the present, nothing but the present.

it’s frightening.

if i consider it for too long it gets stuck in my throat.

where was all this present before it was here?

imagine nothingness.

>it’s an idea?

i’ve never [seen] an idea.

>it’s a word?

i’ve never seen a word, either.

>nothingness is an idea, an idea is a word for nothingness.

i guess?

but, that doesn’t answer my question.

imagine inventing a new word.

did you really invent it or was it already there?

where was it before?

>it was nothing before.

>it was nowhere.

still, doesn’t answer my question.

where is nowhere?

it had to be here the whole time.

right under my nose.

where all the ideas are, where nothing is, where nowhere is, where i am.

think about it.

to imagine an idea, you have to be there to imagine it.

to be here, i have to be nowhere.

i exist nowhere.

i’m an idea.

ideas are nothing.

nothing requires existence.

‘nothing’ requires ‘something.’

every form of existence is contingent upon its opposite.

black is contingent upon white, the mind is contingent upon the body and so forth.

nothingness is an existence like any other, only at the opposite end of the spectrum.

between the lines.

where ideas are and where i am.

if you can get your mind around that, the true nature of the present will reveal itself.

photo: ‘Cora’ by Karen Hydendahl @khydendahl

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